Wife needs chemo, tells husband to still take planned vacation. Is it a trap?

A controversy has emerged after a wife battling cancer tells her husband to still take their planned vacation to Thailand without her. Trap or nah?

A hotly contested debate has emerged on Reddit after a husband posed a controversial question to the Internet. In short, the man and his wife had a previously planned vacation to Thailand, however, she is undergoing chemo. She tells him to go ahead and take the vacation without her.

Wife needs chemo, told me to go solo to Thailand. Advice please. from travel

This is a very interesting conundrum. On one hand, it’s actually pretty easy: don’t go. Trap or not, you don’t go. Anyone who’s been married for longer than 5 minutes knows this. The original poster, by the way, notes that he has already decided not to go.

On the other hand, the trip is booked, and she is literally telling him to take the trip. Why shouldn’t he go? It’s booked. She’s granted permission. Why not?

Commenters on the thread are of two minds, but barely. The overwhelming opinion of commenters is to cancel the trip.

For example, HolidaySuccess_8537 says:

“I went through chemo. I don’t think anyone realizes what a difference it makes just having your SO by your side through it. I had a pretty rough time, but there’s no telling how her body will react. Stay home and plan a trip for after she is fully finished treatment. Edited to add you should talk to her about why she is telling you to go. From my experience, I wanted things to be normal and she may be thinking the same way. Ten days apart in normal times isn’t awful. Not wanting to be a burden could be part of it. I really had no clue what the reality of chemo was until I went through it. My husband started a new job right before my cancer diagnosis and he couldn’t take a lot of time off, so he couldn’t go to one of my treatments. My sister and SIL went with me, but it really sucked not having my husband there.”

A reply to this comment from Connect-Dust_3856 offers some additional color:

“Second the hyper independence piece. Had a life threatening diagnosis and subsequent long recovery. I did not want to be a burden on my spouse. I did not want him to resent me or my needs so I often did too much. I insisted I was fine and tried to always be normal. About six months in, I realized how not normal I was (not diagnosis but behaviors) and I felt crushed. I was forever thankful that he never once pointed it out. Even though we are now divorced, I still express gratitude for him just picking up my slack in life and never calling me out for pretending everything was normal.”

One poster’s answer is blunt and to the point: “Cancel the f*cking trip. There’s nowhere else you should be but beside her during these times.”

RandomPerson2023 offers a counterpoint:

“Have you considered that maybe she is telling you to go not because she really cares about you losing the trip, but because she don’t want to admit to herself how scary going through chemo is? If I was her, probably my coping mechanism would be to just minimize the thing, like I would tell you “yea it’s nothing worth being afraid of, don’t lose your trip for this little thing” only to convince myself that it actually is a little thing (when it absolutely isn’t) just to be less afraid. (Hope that makes sense somehow, sorry English is not my mother tongue and sometimes it’s hard to explain more complex thoughts. Anyway I hope all the best for both of you, when you’ll finally enjoy Thailand together will be amazing”

The general sentiment, however, is that not going on the trip is the right move. Even if the stricken spouse literally is fine with the man taking the trip, the right thing to do (according to Reddit, anyway) is to cancel the trip.

And we agree. Cancel the trip.

What about you, reader? What’s your take?