funny $h!T traveler search for

Funny $H!t Travelers Search For (on my blog)

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People search for the weirdest things, am I right? How about steal 25 million from a plane? Or “teach my wife how to pack less.”  The truth is, people search for the weirdest, funnies and silliest things sometimes. In this post I highlight a few funny or unusual things travelers have searched for on this blog and add some hot takes.

Like most blogs, the owner of the blog (in this case, me) can see the search terms visitors enter into my blog (rest easy…I can’t see WHO searched and no personal data). These search terms are interesting and useful because it helps me craft what my audience might be looking for. But it is also full of hilarity at times! Enjoy!

Funny Things Travelers Search For (on my blog)

Just in case it wasn’t clear let me reemphasize…I can’t see who searches for stuff…just the search terms they enter. Standard website stuff…  Just want to be clear about that. LOL.

Ok, here you go. Funny things Travelers Search For (on my blog). The actual word-for-word search terms.

“Feeling cute but running late to airport”

This was actually the search term that pushed me over the edge on even writing this article. This gem really cracks me up.

Listen, I am running late to the airport, but damn I feel cute so it’s cool.

LOL…like I don’t even know what kind of result should come back for a search like that. Maybe an Uber driver who can do your nails on the way to the AP?

I mean  it’s not something practical like: HOW do I get myself cute in the car on the way to the flight I am late for? It’s I feel cute…but I am also late…in case you wanted to know, random blog search bar.

“Sexy airport security check memes”

We love Travel Memes here at the CBoardingGroup. In fact we consistently rank in the Top 3 of many airport or travel related meme searches. So, I get this search term.

We do not rank for this term. Sorry no sexy airport security check memes here….until now! Ryan Gosling wants to cut in front of you in the airport security line (as an aside…I feel like this was NOT what the search term was really looking for…………..)

Sexy airport security check memes

See the rest of our non-sexy and totally safe for work travel memes here.

“Teach wife to pack less when traveling” (My personal favorite!)

This is my personal favorite. It’s very specific and it feels like there’s a massive blowup argument behind this search. I can picture Doug (I am calling him Doug…) angrily pecking the letters into his keyboard after storming out of his Master Bedroom as his wife dusts off the 3rd suitcase for the cruise.

Come on Debbie…what the heck. How many pairs of sandals do you need. It’s friggin Cozumel not Cannes” Peck, Peck, Peck. Backspace. Peck. Backspace. “Dammit!”

Clearly though, Doug should have had Debbie check out my 11 Packing Tips article…packing light is a KEY tenet. You go get her Doug*. We’ll be here. Good luck…

*Comes back 20 mins later. Prints off 11 packing tips article. “See Debbie, I am right!” as he throws printout on top of 19 pair of sandals lying on bed.

*12 minutes later. Searches for “Good Divorce Attorney”

“How to Manspread”

This little gem came in while I was writing this article and I don’t know what to think about it.

Is this person confused about what manspreading is and just on a quest for knowledge? Or did this person take my farce post “How to Travel Like an A$$H0le” post too seriously?

<evil voice>”Yes…I will learn how to manspread…then take over the world…yes” </evil voice>

“Steal 25 million from plane”

Best way to start planning your Oceans 17 airplane heist? Some simple searches here on the CBoardingGroup business travel blog.

Yup, we can get you started, future felons. Don’t worry we got your back. First…watch Oceans 11 (and the 14 sequels)…then quit planning a heist and go teach your wife how to pack less.

hotrod die cast model on board

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on

“Airport mimes”

I am about 99% sure the searchers for this query mis-typed their search and meant Airport Memes….but how badass would it be if they really meant Mimes!?! Yeah, Airport Mimes! Is that a thing? It should be.

Or at least the name of a prog rock band from Portland.

Airport Mimes

“Stinky passenger”

We’ve talked about stinky passengers before and it’s always so frustrating. Too much perfume / cologne. Or maybe they just didn’t shower (see my horror story about sitting next to someone who came directly from the field for my 4 hour flight).

I’d rather deal with screaming babies than stinky or smelly passengers.

See: The 7 Most Annoying Airline Passengers (A Travel Rant)

“Dumbest travel tips”

This is a search term we should rank for here at the because we HAVE written exclusively about this subject.

In classic CBoardingGroup snark, we introduced The 9 Dumbest Travel Tips I’ve Ever Heard which features classic stupid travel tips like:

  • Bring a towel (so lame…)
  • Check your bag (stupid!)

See the rest

“Horror airport meme”

Is this a future Hostel sequel? Is someone having a bad day at the airport?

Traveling can suck the ever loving life right out of you some times. Flight delays, middle seats. Stinky passengers. Yup…it ain’t always “Instagram cute” out here in the real world of business travel grind.

As I note in my flagship article 147 Business Travel Tips – a road warriors guide, sometimes you gotta just relax and chill the eff out because some days it’s a total $h!t show out there…

And look at memes, like this slideshow of travel memes featuring the horrors of airports and flights:

“Why does Avis Suck so much?”

We’ve covered Avis drama before

Apparently my disgust at Avis is not restricted to only me! The Avis CEO just resigned/retired so maybe, just maybe, whoever they pick will actually make these folks better.

Avis always sends me a survey after I rent from them (and I have to due to company policy). I always respond the same when they ask me how they can improve: “Be Like National.”

“Boots, rain umbrella, pinterest”

Ok, let me double check if I’ve got everything for this trip. Boots? Check. Rain Umbrella. Check. Pinterest. Check. Wait, what?!?

Apparently Pinterest is critical to dealing with the rain on this trip! LOL….

If you are looking for a great travel umbrella though, check this one out:

Check Price on Fidus Upgraded Mini Travel Umbrella

And feel free to follow me on Pinterest.

Thanks for tuning in to our funny things travelers search for on my blog

Did you enjoy this humorous post? What weird stuff are you searching for? Don’t worry…I won’t tell. 🙂

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And, of course, if you are interested in more travel tips and travel advice and product reviews, you might like these great articles:

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Author Biography

We. Do. Business Travel. The is a leading business travel focused travel blog. The principal author has over 18 years of consistent & frequent business travel. Over the years, he has developed various travel habits, travel tips, advice and more that he shares with fellow travelers of all skill levels. From hotel life, to airplane tips, to the weekly grind of frequent travel, plus a little travel humor, this blog is a haven for business travelers. Read his full bio here.

Advertiser Disclosure: CBoardingGroup has partnered with CardRatings for our coverage of credit card products. CBoardingGroup and CardRatings may receive a commission from card issuers. Opinions, reviews, analyses & recommendations are the author's alone, and have not been reviewed, endorsed or approved by any of these entities. “Responses are not provided or commissioned by the bank advertiser. Responses have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by the bank advertiser. It is not the bank advertiser's responsibility to ensure all posts and/or questions are answered.”

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